Here we go, baby's first listacle!
Turns out there are unlimited ways to introduce a comic onto the stage, so why use the same lines? Forget that, why not just make some crap up?
Well that's exactly what my co-host CJ and I get up to at The Red Star Rock Bar during our Open Mic night *cough* every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month *cough.*
At the request of our buddy and fellow comic Dave " Three Clap" Hines, I have put together a list of some sort for people to use if they so choose. So, without further ado, I give you...
An Arbitrary List of My Personal Favorites
1. "Neighbors have received noise complaints for [his/her] singing, give it up for _______!"
2. "This [person] was huge on vine, but now that's dead and no one cares, clap your hands for _________!"
3. "They are legally required to register their fists as foreign agents, give it up for ________!"
4. "This person just got back from the Jumanji realm, clap it up for _________!"
5. "This next [person] is writing me into their will and just learned that this mic is legally binding, give it up for ___________!"
6. *Out of towner special: "This [person] is all the way from the new solar system that NASA just discovered, let's welcome __________!
7. "This [guy/gal] attended a Bear Grylls piss drinking seminar last weekend, clap it up for ______!
8. "This [person] is the captain of the S.S. Poverty, make some noise for _________!
9. "This [person] was voted next dank meme 2018, give it up for __________!
10. They were abducted by Alien Ant Farm, keep it going for _________!
There you have it folks. Please feel free to use these intros for whatever reason, open mics, karaoke, trivia, bingo tournaments, in the classroom, during an argument, job interviews, or whenever the mood strikes you.
We wont judge, but they might.
Anyone who performs, writes, or creates in some fashion is often asked the question, "Where do you get your inspiration?" It's a valid question, but not a simple one for most of us in the stand-up world. There is no magic list of topics we run through for the sake of jokes. No grab bag of words that we will develop into laughter (unless you know some great improvisers.) Most of us use our experiences as material and I just want to share something that inspired one of my first jokes.
I grew up in small, mostly areas of Florida where I watched cow pastures and farmland transform into suburbs and strip malls over time. I lived more in the country, not in one of the housing developments, but I would have loved to live in one of those fancy neighborhoods growing up (embarrassing, I know but the rest of my High School did and I just pretended I did too.) I get it, it looks nice and probably feels safe, but there's something I find absurd about demolishing nature to create stucco kingdoms that brandish the names of what they once were. Take for instance the picture above, I took that recently when revisiting my hometown (for the record - a women who lived there with her multiple Audi's thought I was insane because I pulled off the road to take pictures, she got a chair and watched me from her garage and I just thought I would let ya'll know how far I went for this post).
When I lived around there, that property was a barn that bred and sold miniature horses. For decades, it was a barn that specialized in raising tiny horses, so when it was bought out for housing, what do they decide to call it? Shetland Ridge, of course. They name it after the hundreds of cute little horses that are literally buried underneath. It didn't really strike me until I was talking with a good friend of mine (fellow country girl and horse riding buddy) and I brought up the new housing development and it's irony. Then she hit me with "well I'm sure there are plenty of ponies buried in that land at least." I wonder if they found any when digging those nice pools.
Wilderness? Oh you mean that crap you had to mow down to make room for the driveway? The only wilderness you see is roadkill, be honest with yourselves.
Life is pretty absurd, I'm just here to take it all in.